I feel like I'm stuck in a deep muddy trench hidden from everything and no matter how loud I scream no one can ever hear me. I tend to stress myself out with things thats are happening and when you have been burnt before you start to watch extra carefully for whatever it was the burnt you. Its only natural, right???
When you get so far behind with things it starts to put a heavy burden on you... inside you... where it does the most damage! I wish that time could just stop and let me breath, even for just a second. I now realize why i do not like being alone for vary long... I sit and pick myself apart over every decision I've ever made. How i didn't do this and I could have did that... how did you let these things happen?.... AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
And then I find myself without even really realizing it, heading straight for the closest bottle. Gibson's, Vodka its doesn't really matter! I just need an escape... an escape from myself... how sad is that:( Today just thinking about so many things, it makes me want to cry!!! I've done so well i wasn't drinking nearly as much as i used to, but today straight for the fridge i went when i walked through my door. Nothing hurts quite the same as beating yourself up over things you can't change... i know this... so why do i do it???
I NEED A HUG!!